I’m Terrified To Have One other Child — However Not For The Causes You May Assume

My husband and I’ve two-year-old boy/woman twins who had been conceived by way of IVF. Whereas I all the time say that going by infertility to conceive my youngsters made me a extra resilient mother, I’ve to confess, the “horrible twos” are not any joke, particularly with twins.

Nonetheless, after I consider having one other child, I’m not terrified as a result of I have already got two energetic and defiant two-year-olds at dwelling. I’m terrified as a result of, over the previous two years, I’ve realized time and time once more that infertility doesn’t simply “go away” when you have got youngsters.

I’ve all the time needed three youngsters. However like so many others who’ve gone by IVF, my husband and I don’t actually have the luxurious of planning once we need to conceive child quantity three. Certain, we are able to determine when to make an appointment on the fertility clinic, however the fact is, there isn’t a assure that IVF goes to work for us once more.

For one, the frozen embryos we at present have in storage should not genetically examined. So, when and if we do determine to attempt to conceive one other youngster, we’ve an opportunity of transferring an embryo with a chromosomal abnormality, placing us at a larger danger of miscarriage. As somebody who is aware of the statistics all too nicely — 10 to 20 p.c of recognized pregnancies finish in miscarriage, however the precise quantity is probably going a lot larger — it makes me extra attuned to the chances of one thing going flawed even when I do get pregnant once more.

mapodile/Getty

We additionally obtained actually fortunate the primary time round. Like, really fortunate. Not solely did we get a two for one deal from our first spherical of IVF, however we additionally obtained one among every organic intercourse in addition. I can’t assist however suppose, there’s no approach we’ll get that fortunate once more, proper? Infertility has a approach of conditioning you to really feel like the opposite shoe goes to drop at any time, so when my infants got here dwelling from the hospital full-term and wholesome, it was — and typically nonetheless is — arduous for me to imagine that perhaps our luck had lastly modified.

However right here’s the actual purpose I’m terrified to have one other youngster: I’m afraid that every little thing that went flawed throughout my first being pregnant will occur once more. Preterm labor at 27 weeks, an incompetent cervix, hospital mattress relaxation, a vaginal-birth-turned-emergency-c-section, and postpartum hemorrhage is sufficient to scare anybody into being “one-and-done.”

While you’re sitting in a hospital room on their own at ten days postpartum, bleeding profusely, and passing golf-ball-sized clots whereas your new child twins are at dwelling with household, it places a whole lot of issues into perspective. I labored so arduous to have my infants. Is it value risking my life to offer them one other sibling?

The reply is, I’m actually unsure. As a result of typically I have a look at it like that, and different instances I take into consideration how a whole lot of the issues I skilled had been because of the truth that I used to be carrying twins, which makes every little thing extra high-risk. If we do undergo IVF once more, we already determined we’d solely switch one embryo, giving us a a lot decrease probability of getting multiples once more.

Once I have a look at the glass half full, I see that despite the fact that I went into preterm labor with my twins, I made it to 37 weeks and my infants prevented the NICU completely. I see that despite the fact that I used to be within the hospital for 25 nights throughout my being pregnant, forcing my long-awaited child bathe to be canceled, I made a lifelong buddy in my roommate and bonded with the nurses.

Though my postpartum hemorrhage was the scariest time of my life, it additionally made me understand that regardless of how troublesome having new child twins could be, it may all the time be worse. That doesn’t imply motherhood isn’t arduous, however so long as my household is glad and wholesome, that’s all that actually issues. Although nothing was straightforward on my path to motherhood, all of it proved to me how robust I’m, as a result of being robust was the one selection I had.

The decision continues to be out on whether or not or not we’ll head again to the fertility clinic to strive for child quantity three. Proper now, we’re having fun with our time with the 2 IVF miracle infants we have already got. However do I nonetheless get slightly envious of “shock” being pregnant bulletins? Sure. Do I want it wasn’t so difficult for us? In fact.

That’s the factor about infertility; even while you’re lastly a mother, it by no means actually leaves you.

The submit I’m Terrified To Have One other Child — However Not For The Causes You May Assume appeared first on Scary Mommy.